Pinoy Jokes Collection #5

A Filipino, a Chinese man, and a Japanese guy are in a bar having a drink. When a gorgeous woman comes up to them and says, "Whoever can use the words 'liver' and 'cheese' in a creative sentence can have me for tonight."

So the Chinese guy says "I love liver and cheese." She says "That's not good enough"
The Japanese man says "I hate liver and cheese" She says "That's not creative"
Finally, the Filipino says "Liver alone, cheese mine!"

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What's the difference between corruption in the USA and corruption in the Philippines ? In the US , they go to jail. In the Philippines , they go to US!

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Lulubog na ang barko...
PARI: San Pedro, San Jose ...
MADRE: Sta. Fe, Sta. Lucia, Sta. Clara...
INTSIK: lubok na balko! tawak pa kayo pasahelo!

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Bakit laging Intsik ang kinikidnap?
Kasi pag Pinoy - hulugan!
Pag Bumbay - 5-6!
Pag Kano - credit card!
E pag Intsik - C.O.D.!!!!

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Operator: AT&T, How may I help you?
Pinoy: Heyloow. Ay wud like to long distans da Pilipins, plis.
Operator: Name of the party you're calling?
Pinoy: Aybegurpardon? Can you repit agen plis?
Operator: What is the name of the person you are calling?
Pinoy: Ah, yes, tenkyu and sori. Da name of my calling is Elpidio Abanquil.

Operator: Please spell out the name of the person you're calling phonetically.
Pinoy: Yes, tenkyu. What is foneticali?
Operator: Please spell out the letters comprising the name a letter at a time and citing a word for each letter.
Pinoy: Ah, yes, tenkyu. Da name of Elpidio Abanquel is Elpidio Abanquel. I will spell his name foneticali,

Elpidio:
E as in Elpidio,
L as in lpidio,
P as in pidio,
I as in idio,
D as in dio,
I as in io, and
O as in o.

Operator: Sir, can you please use English words.
Pinoy: Ah, yes, tenkyu. Abanquel:

A as in Airport agen,
B as in Because,
A as in airport agen,
N as in enemy,
Q as in Cuba ,
U as in Europe ,
E as in important, and
L as in elephant.

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Juan: Nay, alis na po ako. Male-late na ako sa school.

Nanay: Anak sandali, eto yung baon mong sandwich at juice. Eto na din yung pananghalian mo para mamayang lunch break. Eto yung panyo, 2 bimpo, extra t-shirt at shorts baka pagpawisan ka at madumihan. Eto na din ang pulbos mo at cologne. Nasa bag na yung tubig pati yung payong at sumbrero mo. May tsinelas din diyan pag napagod na paa mo sa shoes. O, etong pera pamasahe.

Juan: amp*tah! Camping?! Absent na lang ako nay.

Ang kulet! hahaha


May pinuntahan akong kainan, may pancit canton. May regular at special. Yung regular ay 30 pesos, samantalang yung special ay 35 pesos Tinanong ko sa kahera kong anong pinagkaiba:

Ako: Ano po pagkakaiba ng regular at special?

Kahera: umm...yung special po, malinis po ang platong pinaglagyan.

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Sa isang clinic…
DOK: Aba! Grabe naman ang lalim ng butas ng flower mo! Aba! Grabe naman ang lalim ng butas ng flower mo!
PROSTI: Si dok naman! Kailangan ba tala¬gang ulit-ulitin mo pa?
DOK: Hindi ko inulit, ineng! Nag-echo lang! Hindi ko inulit, ineng! Nag-echo lang!

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